If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
