what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
