wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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