Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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