I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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