His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
