With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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