We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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