I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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