would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
