Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm both gender and math confused
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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