I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
