i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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