Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
