Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
