he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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