I am in a vortex of obligation.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
