Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
