ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
