Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
