I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
