Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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