You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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