Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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