If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
