I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
