You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She bit a glass in half.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
