Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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