Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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