Kiss
Puke
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
