what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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