"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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