Fine. I'll sleep in my office
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'