Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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