I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality