just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.