another moral hangover. fuck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want a musical about memes.