my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..