you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
