So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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