She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
