he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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