Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
