spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
cat food counts as protein by the way
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
