Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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