that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
