New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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