I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
