oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
