Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
