Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
