i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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