so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
