this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
