I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
