He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You have to summon your inner elephant
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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