You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
