you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
