If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
