I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
