found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
