When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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