Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
