i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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