Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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