____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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