I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize