Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
