Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
