Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My bed is full of blood and feathers
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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