If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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