I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
