Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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