Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
