At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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