I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize