I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
