meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize