even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
