I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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