Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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