I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
